Sun is out. Quick. Where are the lads in flip flops at Tesco? You know the ones with the multi coloured Bermudas from last year’s holiday? You know the guy who never steps foot in Tesco unless his wife is away? But the sun is out so he has to get the supplies for the Bar B q. How he manages to shop and keep those sunglasses on his forehead I don’t know but he does. He is alright for sun cream he won’t need it. The collar on his polo shirt is up so no need for concern for the back of the neck. No he will flop around the cool section of the supermarket with a ravenous spending power. Sixty sausages, chops, ribs.....it’s all going into the basket. Well he even throws in a few bars of chocolate.
Bar B q man is a man on a mission. He gets so annoyed when he realises all of the Burger buns are gone from the shelves. Even has a word with the manager about stock forecasts and how there should be a greater supply. The manager secretly says to himself that weather forecasts would be more in line with burger buns but declines to mention it. Bar B Q man is not to be outdone however and believes in his mind that he is having a Bar B Q and no one will stop him. He swiftly peruses other shopping trollies and when the owner has left it alone to look for some other item three feet away, he pounces. Why wouldn’t he? Surely there is an unwritten rule if you leave it unattended for more than thirty seconds your trolley becomes open country? Whether there is or not Bar B Q man is getting hot and he doesn’t really care for the morals of the situation and needs to get back.
When he arrives home he dumps all of the frozen food on the table and heads for the garden. His domain. His area. His fortress. Why wouldn’t he wear an apron? And with a wild vigour he starts to prep the Bar B q. Smoke billows and a quick spurt of flame kicks into the air, (“Must be a good Sign”) and all looks well. But the flame subsides and there is very little smoke. Doubts of how to work this thing trickle into his mind. Surely there needs to be a flame for flame grilled burgers? He seizes the lighter fuel and squirts it as if it is ketchup. With Singed eyebrows he reminds himself not to do that again in a hurry and takes a swift sip of beer to calm the shock.
Children are shooed away, as it is too dangerous around here now. The female face laughs silently from the kitchen as she contemplates the many ‘dangers’ around cooking the dinner that she has to go through every night. She wipes the counter busily as Bar B q man runs in to get the now warming meat from the table. Laughing again as he slips in his flip flops and stubs his toe on the step.
The meat is thrown on to a wondrous sizzle and our man gives a smile of satisfaction through the haze of smoke as he grasps his spatula like a roman warrior going into battle. He has the feeling of Russell Crowe in Gladiator. Even has the sandals he reminds himself as he looks down at his rubber flip flops. Yes Bar B Q man is a real man. Cooking raw meat for the family on an open fire. One or two beers later and it doesn’t really matter if the meat is a little bit red. He reminds himself he must bring some for his Boss on Monday before asking for his raise. He is hungry and needs to get going. He starts on his one man suicide by salmonella death wish and starts on a burger.
A man in charge. At one with nature. Outdoors! Ah yes!
Ah no..... Rain.
Bar B q man is a man on a mission. He gets so annoyed when he realises all of the Burger buns are gone from the shelves. Even has a word with the manager about stock forecasts and how there should be a greater supply. The manager secretly says to himself that weather forecasts would be more in line with burger buns but declines to mention it. Bar B Q man is not to be outdone however and believes in his mind that he is having a Bar B Q and no one will stop him. He swiftly peruses other shopping trollies and when the owner has left it alone to look for some other item three feet away, he pounces. Why wouldn’t he? Surely there is an unwritten rule if you leave it unattended for more than thirty seconds your trolley becomes open country? Whether there is or not Bar B Q man is getting hot and he doesn’t really care for the morals of the situation and needs to get back.
When he arrives home he dumps all of the frozen food on the table and heads for the garden. His domain. His area. His fortress. Why wouldn’t he wear an apron? And with a wild vigour he starts to prep the Bar B q. Smoke billows and a quick spurt of flame kicks into the air, (“Must be a good Sign”) and all looks well. But the flame subsides and there is very little smoke. Doubts of how to work this thing trickle into his mind. Surely there needs to be a flame for flame grilled burgers? He seizes the lighter fuel and squirts it as if it is ketchup. With Singed eyebrows he reminds himself not to do that again in a hurry and takes a swift sip of beer to calm the shock.
Children are shooed away, as it is too dangerous around here now. The female face laughs silently from the kitchen as she contemplates the many ‘dangers’ around cooking the dinner that she has to go through every night. She wipes the counter busily as Bar B q man runs in to get the now warming meat from the table. Laughing again as he slips in his flip flops and stubs his toe on the step.
The meat is thrown on to a wondrous sizzle and our man gives a smile of satisfaction through the haze of smoke as he grasps his spatula like a roman warrior going into battle. He has the feeling of Russell Crowe in Gladiator. Even has the sandals he reminds himself as he looks down at his rubber flip flops. Yes Bar B Q man is a real man. Cooking raw meat for the family on an open fire. One or two beers later and it doesn’t really matter if the meat is a little bit red. He reminds himself he must bring some for his Boss on Monday before asking for his raise. He is hungry and needs to get going. He starts on his one man suicide by salmonella death wish and starts on a burger.
A man in charge. At one with nature. Outdoors! Ah yes!
Ah no..... Rain.