For those of you who know my wife, if you happen to see her around give her a wave. You will probably feel the need to, to be honest. She will be the one smiling at you. Yeh that happy go lucky gal you will say....bright as a button and wow that smile. You will just feel the need to throw your hand up and smile back and perhaps you will feel the better of it. Smiling is infectious right? So in a way she is the local good will ambassador. Just smiling all day. Even around the house she whacks up those cheek bones and beams one right out there.
Here he goes, I hear you say. She is so happy to be married to him, that she bounds out the door each morning with a spring in her step...bounces all the way to the school just because she is devoted to her husband. Wrong!
No the real reason “herself” is smiling, is because she has taken the step of getting her teeth whitened. Oh Yes, so now we have our very own celebrity in the mix. Every opportunity there is,those new gleamers come out like a midnight train coming at you. Or when you open the press of a pristine new kitchen dresser to see the greatest set of delph in the mansion.
Thing is....she just can’t stop showing them off. Smiling at everyone! Look at my teeth. The postman, teachers, kids look at her bemused as she drives past and waves. That’s just the locals. Don’t get me going on the photos. The passport office sent her snap back twice. Every form that needs to be filled out is a photo opportunity. We have applied for some stuff we don’t even need!
When we were passing some tourists who wanted someone to take their picture she duly obliged on condition she could get into the next one!
I can’t get out of funerals quick enough and when Mrs. Hardy from number 43 came up to tell us her son was emigrating to Toronto....
Well for every good thing that happens, I guess there is a bit of ying and yang. You know how behind every sunny day it has to rain....or after every good holiday, you must return to work. Well for all the beautiful smiles, and let me say, my lovely wife has an infectious loving smile. ( She reads this too you know) there was a downside.
The method for keeping her teeth white is a bit rough and ready I must admit. There is a gum shield. You pour a gel like substance into the gum shield and place it in your mouth, when going to bed. Wake up in the morning and it’s like the moon is has set up camp in your mouth. So to let you in briefly on the hidden secrets of our bedroom.....( getting racy now...well not really) I must explain.
I was just about to go to sleep when my good lady as is her habit, was reading companionably beside me. Annoyingly as she often tells me, I wanted to talk...you know how it is. Needy man...wanting re-assurances about life’s ails... before going to sleep. So I was prattling away with my senseless ponderings...but there was no response. Total silence. After a few minutes I thought she may have been asleep. So I turn around to check and lo and behold there she is reading away as if she had ear muffs in.
“I thought it was your teeth you were doing not your ears.”
No response. Just “the look” ( will discuss “the look” at another point)
I continue to look back but still no response. Then there is a standoff. Herself looking at me like she is ready to do rounds with Joe Bugner and me looking waiting for an answer. I give a shrug as much to say are you going to answer me?
I get a sort of muffled “Hmpph.”
I’m in trouble now. The book is flung down. Oh here go the hands. The mouth is attacked and out pops the gum shield.
“Cant you see I have this thing in! I can’t talk and you babbling away and I can’t answer.”
I turn back as she places her gum shield back in. Safe in the knowledge that she wont take it out again.
“Sure If I had have known that,” I say. “I would have bought it for you years ago.”
The back of my head is still sore from the dent of the book.
Here he goes, I hear you say. She is so happy to be married to him, that she bounds out the door each morning with a spring in her step...bounces all the way to the school just because she is devoted to her husband. Wrong!
No the real reason “herself” is smiling, is because she has taken the step of getting her teeth whitened. Oh Yes, so now we have our very own celebrity in the mix. Every opportunity there is,those new gleamers come out like a midnight train coming at you. Or when you open the press of a pristine new kitchen dresser to see the greatest set of delph in the mansion.
Thing is....she just can’t stop showing them off. Smiling at everyone! Look at my teeth. The postman, teachers, kids look at her bemused as she drives past and waves. That’s just the locals. Don’t get me going on the photos. The passport office sent her snap back twice. Every form that needs to be filled out is a photo opportunity. We have applied for some stuff we don’t even need!
When we were passing some tourists who wanted someone to take their picture she duly obliged on condition she could get into the next one!
I can’t get out of funerals quick enough and when Mrs. Hardy from number 43 came up to tell us her son was emigrating to Toronto....
Well for every good thing that happens, I guess there is a bit of ying and yang. You know how behind every sunny day it has to rain....or after every good holiday, you must return to work. Well for all the beautiful smiles, and let me say, my lovely wife has an infectious loving smile. ( She reads this too you know) there was a downside.
The method for keeping her teeth white is a bit rough and ready I must admit. There is a gum shield. You pour a gel like substance into the gum shield and place it in your mouth, when going to bed. Wake up in the morning and it’s like the moon is has set up camp in your mouth. So to let you in briefly on the hidden secrets of our bedroom.....( getting racy now...well not really) I must explain.
I was just about to go to sleep when my good lady as is her habit, was reading companionably beside me. Annoyingly as she often tells me, I wanted to talk...you know how it is. Needy man...wanting re-assurances about life’s ails... before going to sleep. So I was prattling away with my senseless ponderings...but there was no response. Total silence. After a few minutes I thought she may have been asleep. So I turn around to check and lo and behold there she is reading away as if she had ear muffs in.
“I thought it was your teeth you were doing not your ears.”
No response. Just “the look” ( will discuss “the look” at another point)
I continue to look back but still no response. Then there is a standoff. Herself looking at me like she is ready to do rounds with Joe Bugner and me looking waiting for an answer. I give a shrug as much to say are you going to answer me?
I get a sort of muffled “Hmpph.”
I’m in trouble now. The book is flung down. Oh here go the hands. The mouth is attacked and out pops the gum shield.
“Cant you see I have this thing in! I can’t talk and you babbling away and I can’t answer.”
I turn back as she places her gum shield back in. Safe in the knowledge that she wont take it out again.
“Sure If I had have known that,” I say. “I would have bought it for you years ago.”
The back of my head is still sore from the dent of the book.